Time

There is no timeline for getting over someone. Whether or not it was my choice, it still hurts. I guess that’s what is so hard to explain and for people to understand.  Yes, my marriage is over by my decision. Yes, he acted horribly. Yes, it was way past time to face the music and make the decision to let go. BUT….it’s still difficult. I still have memories. I still miss parts of my old life. I miss my house. I miss my dog. I even miss my husband sometimes. I just can’t help how I feel.

I have a lot of happy things in my life now. I have time to enjoy things and people that I didn’t before. This was the right thing to do for me to be able to savor the rest of my life. BUT….I’m in a holding pattern right now. I am in complete limbo and I don’t like it. This is very stressful.. And what makes it even more so, is that I seem to be letting down those closest to me by being sad. I can’t help it. I wish I could but there are times when I just am SAD, worried, anxious, angry….I want to be Miss Mary Sunshine. I guess people think I should be now that the monkey is off my back. BUT….it’s not really gone, Nothing is resolved legally. My feelings aren’t even resolved and I don’t know if or when they will be. How do you just erase a person that was in your life for 15 years? How do you just forget all of the time and experiences? Was it all bad? No. Was it good enough? No. Were there good times and love? Yes.

I’m sorry if that is disappointing. I try to play happy but I can’t all the time. And sometimes, I feel really happy. Monday morning driving to work, I felt like things would be OK. I felt hopeful and light. But, I just feel despondant and down today. Totally discouraged.

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About Nutzi

Just ramblin' on about who knows what. View all posts by Nutzi

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